• When Life Happens and I Don’t Wanna Do the Thing!

    Posted on September 3, 2017 by in Everyday Ecstasies

    September 3, 2017.
    When Life Happens and I Don’t Wanna Do the Thing!

    Life is happening here. I was up very, very late last night doing trance and divination work for a friend who’s husband went missing.

    I over-slept this morning and woke up congested from sleeping with the window open during the rain. I forgot to put the coffee in the coffee pot, so I made hot water on my first attempt at getting caffeine into my system. I squeezed the last drops of milk out of the container which wasn’t enough for my taste.

    The grocery and weekly To Do List need to be completed. Otherwise, I’ll wander around all week prioritizing the wrong things.

    In a few hours, I’m teaching the first class in a year-long apprenticeship and am feeling completely unprepared.  Hell’s Chorus is singing in my ear, “Who do you think you are to teach this? What if you disappoint everyone? What if you show up and have nothing to say? What if it’s a dud? What if everyone quits? What if they hate it?”

    I know all the words to that song. I notice it. I wonder when, if ever, I’ll prepare to teach without Hell’s Chorus chiming in.  I don’t let it unhinge me or send me into a panic. I don’t even allow it to send me into the spiral of self-derision about why it still happens.  It just does. It’s ok. It’s unimportant.  It’s an old, old song sung out of habit when approaching something new–but no longer relevant to the person or teacher I’ve become.

    That’s what I have today.  I’m blogging.  I promised myself I would.  It’s okay that this isn’t longer, better crafted, more intimate. I opened the page. I wrote words.  It took less time and energy than worrying about not doing it would have.
    I hope the life happening in your life today is sweet and soft and joyful and nourishing.