I have other spaces in my home that are not my bedroom where I should work but cannot.  I have an actual desk set up in the living room where my kids listen to music, watch television, do homework and play Wii games.  I tried working at the kitchen table but found the dishes, meal planning and the pile of mail to be great distractions.  In the front room where I hold classes and consultations, I found myself thrown off track by the fact that I could see the rest of the downstairs and would continually find myself sweeping, vacuuming, puttering or folding laundry rather than writing and getting things done.

So, after many years of adamant refusal to share my bedroom with anything related to work, I find that it’s really the only space free from distraction in my sweet little apartment.  And here, surrounded by comfort and beauty, a view of the river and the quiet of being above street level, I’ve found I can focus not only on getting things done but actually creating.

I’ve always found fascinating the ways we distract ourselves, procrastinate and get overwhelmed by all the things our lives seem to require while failing to put our needs first.
(I’ll be guest blogging on this topic along with Love and Discipline at Tina’s http://openroadscoaching.com/  very soon.  So, stop over there and see what she’s got cooking for the Month of Love!)  I’m the sole parent of two kids!  Believe me when I attest to the truth of the old addage, “When Mamma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!”  If I don’t put my needs first, I resent and resist everything else required of me.  So, rather than doing that dance, I make sure this Mamma is happy.

Our personal needs, while often bemoaned as overwhelming or too time consuming or just plain selfish, are actually pretty simple.  They take less time than procrastinating and are a lot more prodoctive than beating ourselves up or making excuses for not doing them!

I’m going to share with you what’s on my Self Care List.  This isn’t a prescription or even “advice.”  This is me, sharing what works for me.

Writing Morning Pages.  I’ve done this religiously since 2002.  Don’t know what Morning    Pages are?  Check out http://juliacameronlive.com  They changed my life when I could barely unfurl from a fetal position on the floor after leaving my husband.

Morning Devotions include candles, incense, chimes, breath and meditation.  Sometimes this takes an hour.  Sometimes under 15 minutes.  The trick is to stay in the flow of the intention you set.  The more you stay in the flow (living/being rather than doing), the less time this takes on a daily basis.

Water.  I drink lots of it–at least 80 ounces daily  Each time I finish a glass, I congratulate myself on excellent self care.

Beauty.  Seek it out and drink it in.  Walk in nature, take a few moments for star gazing.   Really listen to  great music. Stroll through a gallery. Spend some moments appreciating the temple that is your home   We need beauty as much as we need air.

Breath.  The breath can tell us a lot about our stress levels.  Check in with breath often.  One way to remember to do this is to set your watch (cell phone, alarm clock, stove timer) to go off each hour.  Stop what you’re doing right then and there.  Focus on breath.  Slow it down.  Deepen it.  Remember the intentions of the day.  Breathe into them.  Feel the change?  That’s staying in the flow!

Baths.  I’m a big believer in the healing properties of a big tub full of water sprinkled with salts, oils or herbs.  A bath can cure just about anything.  Alternately, standing under the hot shower with breath slowed down and senses open will clear your energy fields as well.

Healthy Diet.  I like simple foods as close to their original state as possible.  I cook a lot of food and store it in my freezer so there’s always something healthy and delicious for dinner that takes under 10 minutes to prep.  Hint:  I only cook when I am thoroughly inspired to do so.  Otherwise it’s grueling and that doesn’t qualify as self care.  Good food can be simple and tasty.  If you don’t know how to cook, make an effort to try one new recipe every two weeks.  In under four months you’ll have enough recipes to get you through a week!

Exercise.  Movement increases energy.  It makes me feel strong and healthy.  I don’t do this for weight loss.  I do it because it feels good.  Half an hour.  Walk.  Bike.  Swim.  Gym.  Wii.  Weights.  Run. Dance. Yoga.  Tai Chi.   Whatever floats your boat.  Don’t do it as punishment.  Do it for love.

Socialization.  Every day, I make sure to call or visit another embodied adult who I consider my peer.  These aren’t co-workers or people who “need” me.  These are friends with whom everything and nothing is sacred.  We can squeal in celebration, moan and whine and complain, swear at the tops of our lungs and laugh until our sides ache.  Sure, we help each other out, but our relationships are founded in mutual love, not neediness.  And that’s what makes these relationships healthy.  It also qualifies time spent with these folks–even if I’m the “giver” that day–as self care.

Touch.  We have a doctrine in my house.  Everyone needs eight hugs each and every day.  I win, because while my kids meet their quota, I double mine!  If you aren’t getting this at home because you live alone, book a massage or go dancing or ask your friends to give you what you need.  We all need touch just like infants do in order to thrive.

Space.  This is where it all really begins.  Virginia Wolfe said a writer needs a room of her own.  I think every one needs a room of her/his own away from the distractions of the household, kids, partners, mail, traffic, television and all the billion little distractions which we think “require” our attention when we try to interject self-care among them.  I work from home so it’s especially necessary to have a space free from those which belong to housework and family.  Hence, the boudoiffice.  Create a space of your own.  Even if it’s just a space on top of a dresser or bookshelf or a half hour in the bath behind a closed and locked door; even if it’s a short walk stolen from the evening’s list of chores.  Failing, that, begin with giving yourself the space to slow down breath and set intention.

It looks like a pretty long list, right?  But, really, the most time consuming parts take place in the morning where I set the energetic intention and tone for the day.  When I don’t make the time for me at the start of the day, I can guarantee by lunchtime I’ll be cranky, scattered and completely unproductive.  If it seems too daunting to do all of this (hey, it took me years), then start with one thing.  Make a single change.  But, don’t do it because you’re “supposed to.”  Don’t do it because you “should.”  Do it for love of self.

Self care rocks.